Oh my!

I guess to explain why this amused me I have to give a little background. I grew up in a home with a Mom that has a strong New England accent. She grew up in Rhode Island and still takes the R's out of everything. My name is Bahh-bra to her:-) My father is from Alabama but is British and he likes to speak the "Kings English" so he uses words that aren't always used in everyday speech. I was born and raised in Florida where the majority aren't from there so I don't think *I* have an accent....Although when my stbx and I moved to South Florida from North Florida they thought we sounded like a couple of hicks so we might have a little one lol They only thought that because the further south you go in Florida the further north you are;-) That is where all the snow birds go to retire! Anyway, when I moved to Oklahoma I thought everyone had a cute little accent but I never expected to pick up any of the phrases or words that people use here. Then today at work I said POP for coke:-P Does this mean I am officially an Okie?? Where I am from we say coke for all flavors...we sometimes say soda but NEVER pop. We actually make fun of the folks that come around and ask for pop;-) Today it just rolled off my tongue like I have always said it lol Here I was having a normal conversation where I had just found out it was someone's b-day and we HAVE to celebrate because birthdays are special...it is also a great excuse for a party so while trying to do an actual job we managed to plan a party for tomorrow. It seriously cracked me up though because it like it was so normal when I said "I will make a cake tonight and I can pick up some ice cream and pop at the store" Then I started laughing at myself because I SAID POP:-P I don't even know where I picked it up from either but it must have been somewhere. Ok I just had to share because it made me laugh:-D

Wedding Rings

I can finally talk about this

Last week I decided it was time to get rid of my wedding rings. It wasn't something I wanted to pass down to my dd for reasons I don't feel like explaining. What I didn't realize was how hard it would hit me. My dh is Irish so we had the Claddagh ring - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia this picture doesn't look like mine did but it explains the symbolism behind the ring. I think the poem that went with it said

With this crown
I give my loyalty
With these hands
I offer my service
With this heart
I give you mine
in love, in friendship, let us reign

Our wedding was also based on rings...funny we eloped and this wasn't planned but because I am so extremely sentimental it was perfect. The wedding certificate that hung on our wall until last year said

As these rings are linked together and are entwined around the cross, it is our prayer that our lives will be eternally bound together by love and that our Lord Jesus Christ will be the head of our home and the center of our lives.

Funny how things worked out so differently than I thought they would. I guess the only thing left is for the actually divorce to happen.

Some weeks....

I hate being a woman
I hate hormones and feeling crazy
I hate being a single Mom
I hate that I have to do this alone
I hate that there is not enough hours in a week
THIS is one of those weeks
Just to show you how crazy *I* am this was my day TODAY
I woke up which was my first mistake
I got three kids off to school
I went to work
I rushed home because I needed to be somewhere by 4
I picked up the kids and rushed oldest to the Dentist..ok I took all three with me but only one needed to be seen:-)
Sat at the dentist for over an hour
stopped at Starbucks for a coffee for me and a frap for oldest who was numb and not wanting to eat yet
picked up a bucket of chicken for younger two since I needed to be at school at 6:30
came home and started dinner

Did you catch that? I cooked dinner AFTER I picked up dinner! YES I DID! THAT is how insane I am right now!! I literally sat the food down on the table and started dinner and my middle child said "what about the food you just bought?"
So we had two dinners tonight:-/
Tomorrow has to be better right??

Sunday Ramblings

Last night was so NOT fun! The weather radio went off at 3am, 3:15am and 3:45am:::::::::: YAWN! ::::::::::Then my power went out at 5am and didn't come back on till 10am. I only heard it go off because I had turned on the tv to see where the stupid tornado was so when the tv went off I woke up. The wind was kicking too so it was hard to sleep after that. We ended up missing church this morning. I know it isn't a great excuse but my hair takes forever to dry and I can't go without a shower in the morning. So I have been sitting here trying to get stuff done before the new week starts. This will be our first full week at school:-) Speaking of school check out the new school shoes...new shoes on my kids make me happy:-)

Just so you don't miss the cuteness on mine here is the side view lol

Payless had the BOGO 1/2 off sale so I splurged on me too:-) You kind of have to buy 4 to get half off on two...that's my story and I'm sticking to it:-)

I guess that it all I wanted to ramble about...I was hoping this coffee would kick in so I could finish cleaning but I think a nap is in order instead. As my favorite person would say "Sunday naps are sacred" so I think I will take her advice. BTW if you are ever at Starbucks try ordering a white chocolate mocha with a shot of caramel...YUMMY! It is like turtle candy! Have a wonderful Sunday!

Oh one more random thought....do NOT get a pedicure if you have a broken toe because you just may want to kick the person when she goes to crack your toes;-)

TGIF

I know they aren't the greatest of pics but my camera was being fussy on Wednesday! or it was me lol
My babies started school! They are in 8th, 5th and 2nd:-) I would have posted sooner but I don't think I have had time to stop long enough to do it! I also don't know what I did all summer but I don't think it involved long periods of standing because my legs are killing me...does this mean I am old? :-) Anyway, they started on Wednesday and that is a busy day during the school year for us...somehow I have to get kids home, homework finished, fed and ready for church on time but I am not complaining because I wouldn't trade my job for the world!! I missed them so much this summer that even when I am crazy busy I am enjoying every minute with them. Thursday my boys went with the men at church for GUY NIGHT (you have to yell it) so I had to rush to get them fed and delivered on time. Then I came home and ate ice cream in bed with my daughter while watching Little House episodes and laughing. Sunday night we are having another girls night while the boys go to watch wrestling with a friends dh. Fun times! Ok off to work I go for another round with 2000+ teenagers...how blessed am I??!!! Seriously I LOVE my job!

Sunday's Song

I am pretty sure I have shared on here how much music means to me...I truly believe that God does inhabit the praises of His people. It doesn't matter what I am going through music is just calming to my soul...I thought I would share the song today that touched me:-)

Because of Who You Are

Because of who You are, I give You glory
Because of who You are, I give You praise
Because of who You are, I will lift my voice and say
Lord I worship You, because of who You are
Lord I worship You, because of who You are.

Because of who You are, I give You glory
Because of who You are, I give You praise
Because of who You are, I will lift my voice and say
Lord I worship You, because of who You are
Lord I worship You, because of who You are.

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
Jehovah Nissi, Lord You reign in victory
Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace
And I worship You, because of who You Are

Mark this date down!!

Some of you might want to sit down for this!! I went to the grocery store WITH A LIST!! And not just any list either! I sat down and looked at our schedule for next week and planned meals accordingly so it works for us:-D It was such a cool feeling to go into the store and know exactly what I was there for and what we were eating for the next week. I did buy a few things not on the list but I made sure they were complete meals so I didn't have to come back for additional ingredients!! I am so excited lol Who knew being organized could be fun??! My oldest who is always quick to quote a movie said "Did that blow your mind, because THAT JUST HAPPENED?!" lol
*bonus points to those who know which movie that is from:-P

High School

I have seen this floating around blogland and thought it looked like fun so I figured I would answer too:-) Really I am just stalling because I am tired and don't want to do anything.

This was my highschool. It looked like a huge tin can and was so LOUD when it rained. The school closed in the late 80's and now it is just a gym. I think they use the old classrooms for the AWANA classes now.

1. Who was your best friend?

Her name was Dawn and we did everything together. She was such an amazing person and grew up to be just as amazing as an adult. She teaches high school math and lives in Florida with her dh and two boys. Oh and she could play the piano!!! She was the pianist at our church at 16 yo and was just amazing. I spent many nights sitting on the floor listening to her practice. I think I will call her when I finish this:-)

2. Did you play any sports?

I sure did! I played basketball and volleyball in highschool. I was also a cheerleader but that really isn't a sport:-)

3. What kind of car did you drive?

This one:-) This was actually the first of 5 Hondas we have owned. I LOVE HONDAS! This was an 81 Honda Civic that I kept until we traded it for a 1990 Honda Civic. I loved this car. I even learned how to change oil and brake pads on this car lol For those who live in Winn Dixie country if you look closely I am wearing the old polyester blue and white uniform from 20 years ago. OH MY WORD that thing was HOT!

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you?

If I wasn't at work I am sure I was either playing in a sport or cheering for one OR at church.

5. Were you a party animal?

NOT EVEN CLOSE! I was Miss Goody Two Shoes. This picture probably tells the story for you

Yes I am standing at a pulpit in front of the church lol I was voted Most Christian Leadership.

6. Were you considered a flirt?

Probably just the opposite.

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir?

I sang in choir for 3 yrs even though I can't sing:-) I still tried to make a joyful noise.

8. Were you a nerd?

I don't think so but if I was it doesn't bother me..it still wouldn't;-) I never fit into just ONE group because I played sports, cheered and made good grades so I was just friends with everyone. I still don't like cliques and I try to go out of my way to include those who are "different"..I totally respect when someone has their own opinions and stands up for what they believe in rather than go with the crowd.

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled?

In high school? NO;-)

I was suspended in the 6th grade because I was a bully. I know that is hard to believe for those who know me now BUT before I was saved at 12 I was quite the bully in school...I wasn't at home but only because my older sister was MY bully. I actually called the girl I tortured in school back in 1993 after watching a show about how a bully ruined this one persons life. I called her and apologized profusely for the things I did and she just laughed and said it wasn't that bad. It took me a long time to get over that. Now I am the opposite because I have a hard time standing up for myself.

10. Can you sing the fight song?

We didn't have one lol

11. Who was your favorite teacher?

Wow I have sat here and really thought about this and I didn't have one. I guess if I had to pick I would say Mrs Peterson

12. What was your school mascot?

Patriots

13. Did you go to the Prom?

Dancing was "of the devil" so we didn't have one;-) FTR I don't believe that now.

14. If you could go back, would you?

NO!

15. What do you remember most about graduation?

Honestly this will sound silly but I was worried about all the partying that was going on after. Everyone booked some hotels at the beach and they were planning a huge drinking party...the parents knew but I was concerned about the things that could happen with all the alcohol...ok maybe I was a nerd lol

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?

We didn't have one...I couldn't skip anyway because I was too busy and didn't have time. I worked in the school office so missing school meant missing work too...I couldn't afford that;-)

17. Did you have a job your senior year?

I worked in the office at school and at Winn Dixie after school. I had to pay rent somehow and I do know we are still talking high school:-/

18. Where did you go most often for lunch?

The Sheik. I loved their steak in a sack with grilled onions and extra mayo. Plus that had that ice like Sonic does to go with the best cherry limeades. I know this has nothing to do with this but they were so good that when I was pregnant with my oldest and we lived in West Palm Beach I drove almost 5hours for one. I had issues

19. Have you gained weight since then?

ROFL! I was 87lbs when I got married. I NEEDED to gain weight...maybe not as much as I have but I don't ever want to be that skinny again.

20. What did you do after graduation?

I went home and prayed for those at the beach party. I truly was concerned and I do know that sounds pathetic but I was. I also went to Dairy Queen for a foot long chili dog.

21. What year did you graduate?

1987

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date?

See #13

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?

The school closed and nobody planned one for the 10 or the 20th. Before I moved I still saw most of the people I graduated with so I already know what everyone is up too.

Can you believe it???

Can you believe it has been ONE YEAR since I moved to Oklahoma??!! Today is a HUGE milestone for me because I've made it. Last year I was scared to death about all the what ifs. My family wasn't happy about me moving so far with their Grandkids so they weren't supportive. The ex wasn't happy. I really felt sooooooooo alone in this decision. I was told by my ex and my family that I couldn't make it on my own. Every one thought I would come out here and then realize I made a mistake and want to go back to Florida. What they didn't know was I didn't just wake up one day and decide to move half way across the country. I don't think they understood how hard this was for me and how much thought and prayer I put into this decision. I couldn't have done this without knowing I was totally in God's will. Plus nobody really knew what I was going through in my marriage because it wasn't something I told them. I believe the only person I confided in was Merci and I could NOT have done this without her love and support. Everyone needs a "Merci" in their life because she is just a blessing in every way. She was always there to listen and point me to God so He could tell me what I needed to do. I came here with a lot of fear but also with a lot of hope that I could finally have a future without so much hurt and pain. And with God directing our steps we have not only made it but we have thrived.
I came without a job yet God provided the perfect one for our situation. I work school hours so my children do not have to be left alone. I have holidays and summers off.
I have a church that has blessed me and been the body of Christ to us from fixing my car to making sure I was taken care of after my surgery. With the exception of 4th of July we haven't spent a single holiday alone.
I have amazing friends and a support system unlike anything I have ever had. I came from a large family but one that isn't close and for the first time I am seeing what true family is like. With Gods help I am going to break the cycle and I pray my children will know what real love is in their relationships and not repeat the same mistakes.... I have a dear dear friend that I have known for 8 yrs now that I couldn't love more than I already do and her family has adopted me and for that I am so beyond grateful. I love them so very much.
Last year I cried a lot because of all the firsts that we had but this year I am actually excited!! I no longer am worried about if I can make it because we have made it. I now know that no matter what God is going to take care of us...I don't mean I just believe it... I KNOW IT!! And I know He will because He has!!
I am going into this year full of excitement.
I have been approved for a home and hopefully we can find one in this area and move soon.
I am still debt free and that has been a challenge because it is soooooooooo tempting to put stuff on credit especially since this is a great excuse lol
I have 3 wonderful children that I don't have to say goodbye too for another year.
I will be divorced by Feb at the latest and that chapter of my life will be closed. FTR I do NOT believe in divorce...this was a decision that came with a lot of prayer and I believe with everything in me that God is ok with this because He knows ALL the details;-) I know I am in God's will and He has blessed us beyond measure for that faith in stepping out and trusting Him.
This year was scary and every time I said I couldn't do something it happened. It was like a crash course in having faith:-) I am more careful about the things I speak outloud lol

For those who have been there for me the last year THANK YOU seems so little.

For those who haven't here are some highlights from our first year in the "promised land"


Aug--
We arrived to find a beautiful friend waiting for me at my new apartment with cleaning supplies and a teenager to help lol Then she took us all to dinner.
I found a job and a church that I love.


Sept--
got to watch my kids see fall for the first time


Oct--
son broke arm and I was thankful that I have an "in case of emergency" person in my life that I trusted with my most valuable possessions;-) When you are married or live near family that in case of emergency person is almost taken for granted because you have one built in....moving here alone away from family has made me totally appreciate that person lol Thankfully I trust her with my life and any major decision that needs to be made because she knows my heart.
Stbx quit job to move here and things didn't turn out like he expected and I had to make a decision to trust that God was my provider and not him.
We all started counseling.


Nov--
first Thanksgiving in Oklahoma and I got to celebrate twice:-) I had homeless people over for dinner at my place on Thanksgiving and that Saturday I spent Thanksgiving with a friend and her family..I think that was my first bedlam game also lol
Children made sleet angels...hey don't laugh I didn't know!! and then they saw snow for the first time...ya know after the sleet I made them play in!


Dec--
First b-day for me in Oklahoma without my family and yet I had 3 cakes:-)
I had surgery
I celebrated my first anniversary single:*(
We had our first Christmas and we spent it with a dear friend and her parents.


Jan--
Our first ice storm and boy was it fun lol I think I was stuck at home for a week before someone came and dug my car out so I could drive...or attempt to drive;-)


Feb--
We actually made it 6 months and was able to file for divorce. HUGE answer to prayer because this meant Oklahoma had jurisdiction. It was so hard to do and hurt way more than I thought it would.


March--
Our first spring and it was beautiful!! I am in love with the big white trees and the freaky purple cartoon looking ones:-) Yeah those are the technical names:-P
Oh yeah first siren that wasn't on a Saturday at noon!! Oh my word!! lol


April--
Our first court date and you would think I would have more faith by now but I was a basket case. I didn't go alone and I even had a lawyer take my case which was a blessing. My friend and her Dad went with me... I don't think I can ever explain how much it meant to see this man stand there and just be so protective of me. I have never felt so loved. I can't ever tell that without getting choked up....And my friend was amazing! When I lost control and started yelling she was able to stop me and pray right there in the courthouse and remind me this wasn't about me but about God's will and my children...who could ask for a better friend??
Second siren!!


May--
Schools out and I don't have to work for the summer:-)
Daughter had to be put under but I didn't have to do it alone because my friends are awesome and they brought chocolate.


June--
Started counseling for just me and meds for depression...finally felt the fog lift.
Transmission goes out in car and before *I can figure something out my church takes care of it!! God already had a plan before it happened! How cool is that??!!
I had to say goodbye to my children for 41 days.
Cried A LOT because my babies were gone.
All of my amazing friends kept me busy with dinners, lunches, Starbucks, bowling, movies, laughing, cooking for the month, shopping etc


July--
Got two tattoos because I am going through mid life crisis:-)
One is a cross with eagle wings and has Isaiah 40:31 on it because that verse means something to me. The other is "your name" on my back because I really am silly.
My son had surgery in FLORIDA while I was in Oklahoma but once again I had a friend that was there to pick me up and carry me to my Fathers feet. It was one of those fears that I had before they left and I never thought I would survive not being able to be there... God showed me that even if I couldn't do it He could. I am just so thankful that I didn't have to do it alone. God has truly truly blessed me with the best friends anyone could ever ask for.

That is just a few of the things that we have experienced this year. In some ways this year has flown and in others it was THE LONGEST YEAR I have lived. I am one of those people that watches dates so I am thankful that it is over...
no more firsts to live through
no more worrying about the what ifs
no more wondering if we can make it
no more fears about my car breaking down or child support stopping or visitation
no more wondering if I can make it through the summer without working
no more feeling like I am doing this alone

I just have one more court date to live through that I am trying not to stress about it but I know that I won't be alone because God has a plan. One day He will share details with me or maybe I will just learn to trust Him fully:-) I can honestly say I am not the same person that I was a year ago. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was as long as I don't try to do it in MY strength. I have grown so much and it hasn't been easy but I have been held up by the love and prayers of people that mean the world to me. I love my friends and I love my church. I think I am happy for the first time in a LONG time. Without going into detail I really did leave Egypt for the Promised Land and although I grumbled at times because it IS hard
I have never doubted this is where God wants me.
Not one time in a whole year and that has to mean something.....

Thank you Father for getting us through this first year...thank you for the people you have placed in our lives to make this bearable...bless them because I know I can never repay them in this lifetime....thank you for the "family" you have given us that truly loves and cares for us and shows us in every way.....thank you for directing every step and opening doors and making a way when I couldn't see one...thank for a church that loves my children...thank you for loving us...I love you! I know I am so blessed......